Hello world! For those of you who are new, welcome to the Luminstruct blog! I am currently working on a "365 Word Project" where everyday I will be posting a reflection on a word and today's word is "Mistake".

Before I begin, I would like to caution the reader that this topic deals with very sensitive material about sexual assault. If you have found yourself in a situation like this or are currently dealing with this experience and do not feel comfortable reading this article, please refer to other posts, I understand.

On Tuesday, the White House released a PSA announcement about sexual assault (video down below). It bothers me that this video only has 533,000 views and 840 dislikes. To some, only 17.6% of ratings being dislikes does not sound too high, but you have got to wonder why there are any dislikes to a video like this at all? Although I understand the comments section is not an accurate way to decipher why it has so many dislikes, I have noticed many people have not liked the video because Obama makes an appearance in the video. It strikes a nerve that people can be so fickle simply because one particular individual is seen in this video. By no means do I want this to become a conversation about politics, but viewers need to wake up and actually pay attention to the message behind the video. I am a firm believer this video needs to shared more to the public, so I am dedicating this post the the issue of sexual assault.

Working in student affairs, I often hear stories about "last night". Female students pass me in the hallway while talking to their girlfriends about how they made a "huge mistake" and slept with a guy after too many drinks. Before I go any further, I do realize this also happens to men sometimes, but considering the statistics, 1 out of every 4 female students have been sexually assaulted whereas only 1 out of every 20 male students have been sexually assaulted. Both of these numbers are alarming and the truth of the matter is that these are probably lower than the reality because many cases are not even reported. I have heard this same story too many times and I have had enough! I challenge you to make a pledge with me to hinder this from happening any further. 


There are so many ways to prevent sexual assault. First and foremost, it is important to be a true friend. Volunteer to be the designated driver in the group and realize this role does not end with the transportation aspects. By being the sober one in a group, it is your job to monitor the alcohol usage of your friends and ensure they are stopped at the right time. Familiarize yourself with the definitions of binge drinking and learn how two beers hold a different number of servings than two glasses of "hunch punch" or any other type of liquor or wine. Keep tabs on your friends for the entirety of the party, your job is not finished until you get them safely back home. Sometimes this job has to make the difficult decisions as well. Although your friend may be saying "yes" to a guy, if they have had alcohol, their judgement is impaired and this does not qualify as consent. Yes you might be the party pooper, but you just saved your friend from a case of sexual assault and they will thank you the next day. Familiarize yourself with self-defense techniques and surround yourself with people you trust, the more people to keep tabs on you, the better. Research has shown approximately 2/3rds of rape cases were committed by someone known by the victim. By no means am I saying "do not trust anyone", but stay in a group, there is always strength in numbers. 


From someone who has a sister, two female cousins and many female friends who I also consider to be family, I beg you to take a stand and become an advocate for what is right. Sexual Assault is not a joke nor is it a mistake. Be a part of the solution and become an agent of change. One truly is too many.

Hello world! For those of you who are new, welcome to the Luminstruct blog! I am currently working on a "365 Word Project" where everyday I will be posting a reflection on a word and today's word is "Dance".

I'm proud to announce all students survived the tornadoes and we live to die another day! 
So without further ado, here is the post for "dance". 

I was talking to a good friend of mine the other day about previous relationships and how we were raised. I always enjoy talking to this friend because we come from different backgrounds and our ideas on how relationships should work are fairly different. Where I keep my heart on my sleeve and fall head over heels for any girl that cross my path, my friend is a bit more reserved and it takes them a longer time to strike up a conversation. 
So here is my side of this discussion. 

When I was younger, I loved middle school and high school dances. Although I would never say I am a good dancer by any stretch of the imagination, I always enjoyed it when the DJ took the music and lights down and played a soft song that you could slow dance to with a special someone. At an early age, I developed a philosophy which I still hold onto today. When I find myself single at parties like this, I scope out the room and try to find a girl who is sitting by herself and ask her to dance. It doesn't matter if I know her well or even at all, but I always believed there was a possibility of making her night into something more spectacular. I know this might sound very egotistical. By no means am I saying I would turn her world upside-down or anything like that, simply that many people have a secret desire to be asked to dance. Looking back at a party, I would much rather remember having a partner to dance with than sitting by myself and watching others on the floor. 

While telling my friend this story, they were surprised that I do this and told me they would not feel comfortable asking a girl to dance that they didn't even know. I then explained that sometimes some of your best memories will happen if you put in a little risk. It's all about weighing out the outcomes. The way I was taught and how I see the situation is that you can ask someone to dance and they have one of two options. The first option is to say "yes" and then you are good to go. The other option is if they were to say no. Although it isn't the most fun thing to hear, you now have permission to move onto someone else and you won't go the rest of your life with regrets or questions about "what if". I feel like a lot of people go through life asking what if.

All the Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas
Layin' in the sun,
Talkin' bout the things
They woulda-coulda-shoulda done...
But those Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas
All ran away and hid
From one little did.
-Shel Silverstein

Some people are so afraid to dance that they never even enter the dance floor in the first place. The picture and poem above are some of my favorite quotes representing this philosophy. Call me old fashion, but Mark Twain and Shel Silverstein will always be my champions for this theory before the student yelling "YOLO" down the hall, but what do I know? ;)

So are you going to travel away from safe harbors? Are you going to dance?           

To my usual readers, I apologize for not publishing a 365 word project post tonight. When working in res life you quickly learn how to be flexible. This is especially true when various tornadoes are in your backyard and you have to ensure your student's safety. It is 3am at the moment and there are still high chances of needing to wake up students in order for them to take shelter. I promise I will post the "dance" article tomorrow sometime when things die down, but if you were wondering, this is the reason for the delay. Sleep tight everyone!    

Hello world! For those of you who are new, welcome to the Luminstruct blog! I am currently working on a "365 Word Project" where everyday I will be posting a reflection on a word and today's word is "Disaster".

Disaster is a difficult word for me to reflect on because I have been very fortunate to avoid nearly all disasters in my life. My home was safe from various hurricanes that have swept the east coast, I'm in an area that is not prone to fires or flooding, and I don't live in a city big enough to worry about being attacked or having an accident occur. The main disaster I can even say I was "involved" with was 9/11, but that is simply because I remember when it happened and how the teachers reacted when they heard the news. I did not live in New York nor know anyone in the towers, but I did have friends who had family members die that day. So to say that I was "involved" with 9/11 is a very generous statement on my part.   

Although I may be wrong in this theory, I feel like the word "disaster" has been lightened by people who live similar lives as me. When you do not come in direct contact of the fear or sadness a disaster may cause, it is very easy to forget such an incident occurred. Not many people were aware the Chernobyl disaster's 28th anniversary was two days ago and some people are also very unaware of the ferry incident which recently occurred in South Korea. I pray you never come in contact with these kind of events, but if you ever do, I can only hope for your safety and pray you and your family/friends survive. Although I could continue rambling for a few more paragraphs about disaster, I would like to cut this post short and encourage you to take the next five minutes or so in silence in remembrance and in honor of the many victims who have lost their lives to natural and man made disasters as well as their families who had to continue to move on after the incident occurred. My thoughts and prayers are with you during your time of need and hardship. My love will always be there for you. Best wishes,
Mark           

Hello world! For those of you who are new, welcome to the Luminstruct blog! I am currently working on a "365 Word Project" where everyday I will be posting a reflection on a word and today's word is "Forgiveness".

Upon request, I would like to take the topic of forgiveness and discuss my views on how to confront a situation where you want to forgive someone after a conflict but they either will not accept your forgiveness/apology or they will not apologize to you for their wrongdoing. Although it should be mentioned first and foremost that every scenario is different and there may be variables present that change the circumstances on a normal basis, this is the basic path I use when I find myself in these situations.

To begin with, I think it is important to place yourself in their shoes and try to understand why the other person or group is acting the way they are. This can be done in a number of ways. Although self reflection is probably the easiest route, there are also more chances of you missing a piece of the puzzle that could be very important to the other person. I have found it useful to confront the person face to face in a good way and try to talk things out. If this process is easier said than done, it might be wise to bring in a professional who can mediate the conversation. With this being said, it is also important to have the professional be as neutral as possible and to hold the conversation in a neutral setting so no member is given an advantage. By understanding the person on a deeper level, it is possible to understand what may be upsetting them and both parties will be closer to finding a common ground as well as a way to fix the problem.

If this action is taken and the other person still does not accept your apology, it may be necessary to allow some time to pass. Some people work longer than others to understand the different levels of an issue and if one member is trying to fix everything as fast as possible, they may not feel like they are being heard in the situation. Although I would not suggest this being the first method of communication, sometimes it is beneficial to write the other person a letter explaining how you see the situation, how you think they see the situation and how you plan to resolve things. Being the person seeking forgiveness, it is important to use "I statements" such as "I feel this or I feel that." By using this as well as facts to back up your view on things, it is easier to take away assumptions and move into the meat of the problem. Also by using "I feel" statements, the other person cannot argue with the way that you feel. 

I know this is not the most preferred response, but sometimes things don't work out in the end. Maybe there is a piece of the puzzle that you will never know or things just don't go to plan. In these cases, all you can do is take control of your own pieces. Try to clean up any things on your side and place the forgiving part on them. Maybe they will eventually forgive you and maybe they won't, but in the end you did all that you could do in the situation. With the fun of free will, you will never have control of anyone except for yourself. Sometimes this means you need to take control of the situation and be the bigger person by taking the blame off someone else and apologizing for things you didn't do. It is not the most admirable job, but a leader is someone who resolves conflict and sometimes takes the conflict upon themselves in order to save a relationship because they are strong individuals who believe a team or relationship is more important than a grudge. I do not want to sound like a broken record on this concept, but always remember positive interactions will always get you further in life than negative relationships. Take the higher rode, forgive the unforgivable, and move on with your life. You only live life once, there is really no point in getting stressed over a bad relationship for longer than it needs to be.