Hello world! For those of you who are new, welcome to the Luminstruct blog! I am currently working on a "365 Word Project" where everyday I will be posting a reflection on a word and today's word is "discipline".

My apologies for the late post on this one, our WIFI in the building was acting up this weekend and I wasn't able to get onto this site. Discipline could be a very easy topic for me to talk about in regards to judicial actions and punishing students for their wrongdoings, but that has never been the approach I go about things. Instead, I would like to talk about our own self-discipline and how we are able to keep ourselves in check and yet still be able to excel.

One of my RAs was telling me during our one on one a few weeks ago about a football player who writes down three personal goals for himself every week. At the end of the week, he looks at the goals he had tried to accomplish, notices which one he achieved the most, and crumples up the other two goals in order to write two new goals for the following week. I actually really like this strategy, by understanding that we are constantly changing, sometimes it is important to throw away our old goals and look to the future in order to design some new developments. Of course nothing is keeping you from returning to your old ways, but sometimes the goals I've had in high school are not necessary the same goals I need now. 

We are easily our own worst critics. When doing an activity with one of the freshmen classes the other day, I had them write positive things about themselves and negative things about themselves. It took the class almost three times more time and effort to consider the positive than it had for them to consider the negative. This is not just first year students either, I have done this similar activity with over 10 other groups varying in age and the same trend could be seen. Unbeknownst to many of us, we already discipline ourselves much more than anyone else or as much as anyone else should. 

The first step is to see that there is a problem. The easiest way to puncture through this negative energy is to get a support system who are honest with you. Have them write or say positive things about you, believe it or not, if you see the same information being said more than once, it is probably true. If you think there is something negative about you, ask them and they will provide a truthful answer. Someday the vail which covers you from seeing the truth may be lifted, but for some, this may never happen. It takes a lot of work, understand that you see the world through a certain lens and others see the world through a different lens. You, them, or even both of you might need corrective lenses because you don't see what is in front of your face :)

The second step is to turn that insight into effective discipline. Understand there is no way you will even be able to accomplish everything and it is important to figure out what you need and what you want. Make sure to bring in your hopes, dreams and desires. If you want something enough, work toward it! Understand that there aren't many goals in this world that can be achieved in a single day, when looking at the three goals, you may not have accomplished any of them, look to the goal that you got the closest to, however, and move on. We all need discipline in order to be organized and help us reach our goals, but we need to ensure it is positive discipline that can teach us something in return and lead us down the right path. I hope this made sense, I was dancing around the topic a little more than I usually do, but I hope this was helpful :)

Question time: What are your three goals this week?     

Hello world! For those of you who are new, welcome to the Luminstruct blog! I am currently working on a "365 Word Project" where everyday I will be posting a reflection on a word and today's word is "cycle".

The other day I was talking to a resident and something was really bugging me, I could not place my finger on it, but something wasn't right. After a few hours of reflecting on it, I realized this student had the same mannerisms and personality as one of my best friends. Of course you can't get upset with someone for being similar to someone else. Your friend was not the first person to have these characteristics and will certainly not be the last, but it got me thinking about the cycle of things. 

Coming from a Biology standpoint and from the help of the beloved "Lion King", energy is not created nor destroyed, it is simply recycled over and over again in the circle of life. It got me thinking if water and life both have cycles, why can't personality and ideas cycle as well? I was talking to a friend the other day about how quotes are a funny thing. We have been on this earth for a very long time and there is a high likelihood our words have been spoken before. The only difference is the fact that now we have the technology to document these words. 

Why should there be copyrights and limitations when there are probably at minimum ten other people going through the same projects and motions that you are. The kicker is that they may be one step ahead of you or even one step behind. I think it is our job to actively reach out and find these like-minded individuals. Although they might be working on the same kind of project and have the same goals as you, we will never be exactly alike and through our differences and various backgrounds, we are able to see this project through many different lenses. When working together instead of working against each other, we can possibly even reach the desired outcome quicker once all the bases are covered.

Following this idea one step deeper, you are never alone. I think that is one reason why I started this blog in the first place. Other than creating an "online diary" for my first year as a director at Piedmont, I know that there is someone out there that can relate to things I am going through. I don't know if these entries help in any way, but if anything, I hope it is a reminder that you are not alone. We are living a cycle of ideas, emotions, thoughts, and feelings and it is our job to help each other on this roller coaster we call life. Hope everyone has a great day.

Question time: When was the last time you found the world repeating itself?        

Hello world! For those of you who are new, welcome to the Luminstruct blog! I am currently working on a "365 Word Project" where everyday I will be posting a reflection on a word and today's word is "vision".

There was once a young child who lived his life day in and day out without a care in the world. When starting school, the teachers immediately caught onto the fact that he needed corrective lenses since he could not see the white board. On the first day he put on his glasses for the first time and went outside, he cried. His mother asked him what was wrong and he told her that he never realized trees had individual leaves. He always thought they were a glob of color. There was nothing more beautiful than that first realization.

There was once a young woman who lived her life day in and day out with too many cares in the world. When entering college, her friends immediately caught onto the fact that she needed to be empowered since she had low self-esteem and could not see the beauty she possessed. On the first day of her intervention, her friends filled her mind with beautiful things about her, she cried. Her friends asked her what was wrong and she told them that she never realized how blind she had been to who she was as a person. She had always thought negatively about herself. There was nothing more beautiful than that first realization.

There was once a staff who lived their lives day in and day out without a care in the world. When starting the new school year, a new professional in the department immediately caught onto the fact that the department had not been living up to their full potential since they could not see other departments from other institutions. On the first day of training, the new professional laid out the plan for how to revolutionize the department. The staff gave a standing ovation and he asked what was going on. The staff told him they had never thought they would see changes like this happen within their lifetime, they had always thought the department would never change. There was nothing more beautiful than that first realization. 

It is amazing that we sometimes don't see what is right in front of our noses. We may have seen the same thing day in and day out and never considered how it could be perfected or how it may be something completely different than what it really originally looked like. The above three stories are all true. Some have happened in my lifetime, some are my lifetime, and some happened before I was even an idea. Sometimes it takes someone from the outside or someone with a vision to change the status quo and make something truly remarkable. 

When looking at the strengths quest personality assessment test, my top two strengths are futuristic and maximizer. This means that I can see the potential is something before anyone else can and take a good concept and turn it into a great concept. It's kind of a "superpower" of mine. Not many people are able to paint a detailed picture of how a project should go or how to live up to their full potential, but that doesn't mean that it's not there. It simply means you have to train yourself to see what others do not. There is a reason why I choose the Disney quote to always be at the top of my blog page. Some see things as an impossible task, some are unable to see the world around them, some have convinced themselves of a lie and some are too close to the project in order to see the full potential, but all of this can change. If you are able to give yourself the right angle of reference and a good vision, nothing is impossible and it is your job to bring a little more of that magic into the world. There is nothing more beautiful than that first realization.

Question time: What is something you are not happy with that can be changed for the better? How do you change it?

Hello world! For those of you who are new, welcome to the Luminstruct blog! I am currently working on a "365 Word Project" where everyday I will be posting a reflection on a word and today's word is "ready".

5-4-3-2-1 Ready or not, here I come! As a kid (and maybe even still a little now) I always enjoyed playing hide and go seek. I always had the best spots and it always irritated me to no end when the counting had come to a stop and I was still without the perfect place. Sometimes if the person that was "it" was a good friend of yours, you could shout, "Not yet! Count some more!" Most of the time they wouldn't and would spot you immediately, but it was worth a shot. 

I have always been the kind of person who plans for the worst and hopes for the best. Especially in Student Affairs, there are constant measures needed to be taken in order to be prepared for any situation. I would like to think my staff and I are trained for everything that could possibility occur, and then you up the door and there are five new variables you never even considered and you have to adjust your idea in order to complete the task.

Last night I sent out a text to a few friends which read: "Finish the sentence: I was never ready for ______________". Immediately I got some humorous responses such as "I was never ready for crocs to become a fashion trend" or "I was never ready for a 15 hour shift without dinner", but then I also starting getting some really personal and amazing professions: "I was never ready for the separation with my closest friends", "I was never ready to move across the country", "I was never ready for my first surgery". It was some of the deepest talks I've had with some of my friends in a while. We are in a world where we should be ready for anything and are set to take on the world full force, but it takes a strong person to admit the world had won in that situation. 

I know I was not ready for my first encounter with a resident attempting suicide. Without giving away too much information, medicine and alcohol had been mixed and they planned on drifting away peacefully. Although it happened many years ago, I remember vividly just standing there, shaking uncontrollably, not sure what to do and watching helplessly as the EMTs tried to revive the resident. I think this was the first time in a long time that I would easily say I was not ready emotionally to handle that situation. I was very fortunate to have a returning RA by my side, telling me what I needed to do and I don't know what I would have done if he had not been there. He was the hero of the evening and I'm glad to say we saved the resident with merely seconds to spare. The following day, the hospital had told us that if we had found them an hour later, they would have been dead. I'm very thankful the experience turned out the way that it had, otherwise I'm not sure I would still be the person I am today. 

So why am I bringing up these darker days back from the shadows of our hearts? Because sometimes we have to be vulnerable. Sometimes we don't have it all together and sometimes you are standing there, shaking uncontrollably, when things don't go your way. It takes a strong person to admit them. Life spins around and you are the first person it sees and it is your time to be in that situation. These dark days are the days that define who we are, we can either let it consume us or we can learn to be stronger the next time it happens. I know for me, the next suicide attempt I faced had me just handling it on my own and I knew what to do. "I was not ready for what it meant to be my own person until I jumped off that ledge and felt what it was like to fly on my own" (another friend's response). That's the amazing thing about working in student affairs, once you have seen one situation, you are more prepared to handle the next and you are flying on your own. I can easily say you are never fulled ready to take on what is behind that door, but sometimes you have to simply tell yourself, "Ready or not, here I come!"


Question Time: Has there ever been a time when you felt you were not ready to handle a situation?

Hello world! For those of you who are new, welcome to the Luminstruct blog! I am currently working on a "365 Word Project" where everyday I will be posting a reflection on a word and today's word is "safety".

A few days ago, I had a talk with some of my residents about online dating. I think this information is important to share! 

There was a study which was recently released within the past two months about online dating statistics. I'll include some of the really interesting finds below. If you want to read more about the study click here. 

Online dating statistics:
-Current number of single people in the US: 54,250,000 (plenty of fish in the sea!)
- Total number of people in the US who have tried online dating: 41,250,000
-Total eHarmony members: 15,500,000
-Total Match members: 21,575,000 
-Percent of male online dating users: 52.4%
-Percent of female online dating users: 47.6%
-Percent of marriages in the last year in which the couples met on a dating site:17%
-Percent of current committed relationships which began online: 20%

So there are some very interesting things to be taken from these numbers. The video below also includes some statistics on racial preferences seen in online dating, check it out! Times are changing, more and more people are using this method to meet the love of their life. Having one out of ever 5 relationships starting online is a significant number and it is sure to only grow in the future. With that being said, it is important to be safe and smart if you decide to go down this route. 

I have done a little research and have compiled a list of online dating tips to keep you safe. These tips are from Match, the Huffington post, Chemistry.com, US News and World Report, WikiHow, and eHarmony. Enjoy :)

Sharing isn't always caring:
- Do not share financial or personal information. This includes:
     - Bank/credit card info
     - Social security number
     - Address
     -Full name (until you are comfortable)
     -Email
     -Phone Number
-If sharing a computer with others, make sure your dating info doesn't automatically log you in
- Keep personal information out of your user name
-Never wire them money

Red Flags:
-Quickly asks to talk outside the dating website
-Claims they are from the US, but are currently traveling or living/working abroad
-Asks for money
-Vanishes from the site and reappears under different user name
-Claims love immediately or talks about destiny or fate (Do not date Ted Mosby!)
-Claims to be recently widowed
-Asks for address to send gifts
-Makes a lot of grammar/spelling errors
-Sends messages containing strange links to 3rd party websites
-Says they are married or are a minor
-Send harassing or offensive messages
-Plans to visit, but is prevented by a traumatic event or business deal goes sour
-Any form of stalking, it is illegal in ALL 50 states! 

Your Move:
-Block any users that make you uncomfortable
-Don't be afraid to report them if they overstep their boundaries 
-Take it at your own pace, there is no rush
-Follow your gut, if it feels off or something is not right, it probably is!
-Use reverse image search on their pictures via Google images or TinEye to see if it is really them
-Ask same questions in different ways to see if their stories match up

The First Date:
-Meet in a public area at a reasonable hour
- Do not go to a private place after until you are sure it will be okay, any doubt, don't do it!
-Keep a cell phone on your person at all times
- Let friend know where you are and who you are meeting
-Stay sober
- Drive yourself or take a taxi, be in control of your way out
-Keep an eye on your drink at all times

Further steps to keep you safe:
-Boost the security of your social media pages, many scammers take profile pictures of other people
- Be careful using foursquare or instagram, they can show your location  
- Have a buddy keep an eye on you while on the date. 
     -Send a secret signal when you're comfortable for them to leave
-Use Google voice to create a phone number exclusive to dating, have it forward to your cell phone so your date doesn't have your real number 
-Common friends on Facebook? Follow through, they might not know that person either!  
- Talk via Skype or Facetime before meeting to ensure they are a real person
- Ask for a recent picture

This can be a very exciting time, but always keep your guard up. In many ways this is the most vulnerable state you could be in, so be smart about your decisions. There are lots of great people out, even I have given it a shot a few times, but remember they are still strangers. If they are good people, they will understand your caution and will respect it. Stay safe everyone and enjoy yourselves! :)

Question Time: Have you tried online dating? Do you have any stories from that experience?