Cute is when a person's personality shines through their looks. Like in the way they walk, every time you see them you just want to run up and hug them." -Natalie Portman
How do you show love to others? One of the best tests I have found to figure this out is by taking the "5 Love Language" test. The test is completely free and you can find it here. This test shows how you like to show love and how you feel appreciated when love is shown back to you. The five main ways to show love are:
-Acts of Service
-Words of Affirmation
Although this philosophy is primarily used when dealing with a spouse, it can also be useful when looking at a staff, friend or significant other. Most of the time when we aren't aware of the other person's languages, we try to treat them the way we would want to be treated. It's the golden rule and it has a lot of power behind it, but maybe the step after treating them the way you want to be treated is to treat them the way THEY want to be treated. There are no two people who are the same, so it makes sense that they would want to be treated different than you would.
For example, my top three love languages are quality time, words of affirmation and physical touch. A girl I was dating a few years back had physical touch at the lowest level of her placement. After a long distance part of the relationship, I was so excited she was coming to visit me. It had been a month since I had last seen her and when her car pulled in, I ran over to her to give her a hug. She didn't seem to notice and thought I was there to help her with her things. That relationship didn't last too long afterward, but if you look at it closer, we were speaking different languages! When I was excited to fulfill the physical part of our relationship, she was excited to have me fulfill the acts of service part of our relationship (which was at the bottom of my list). Although I'm not saying it is impossible to be in a relationship where your love languages drastically contrast, it is important to have that discussion and realize how the other person may feel appreciated.
When you are in the position (like I am now) where you are coming into a staff of new people, it is important to test these different love languages with others you work with. For instance, I gave my staff cookies (gifts), spent one on one times with each of them (quality time), told them they were doing a good job and was specific about what parts they did well (words of affirmation), and did a job for them so they wouldn't have to worry about it (acts of service). Once you do all of these, be observant of how they respond and which response is the most strong. You may have noticed I left physical touch out of this equation. I'm a firm believer that the work place is a very tough place to fit this love language in. Especially working with all females, the last thing I want to do is send the wrong message. It is important to develop a strong relationship with that coworker that is built with trust before you bring in the physical aspects. If there is any doubt in your mind that it is a good idea, don't do it! That is an easy way to get sexual harassment cases. If your love language is strongest in physical, possibly communicate with members of the staff that you enjoy hugs and then let them come to you. It may seem like you are walking on eggshells, but the way this world works, you want to be safe before you are sorry.
Question time: What is your love language?
About the video: The love languages are based off a book written by Gary Chapman. There is an audio book version on YouTube for free here. This clip below is mainly just him explaining the love languages in more detail and why he came up with the idea in the first place! Enjoy :)